an attempt to explain #notallmen to a man

[marnanel]

“Damn right not all men. But rational people never have to be told that, and sexist man-hating pigs can never understand that.”

There’s no contradiction.

When I was a kid I knew the difference between blackberries and any other berry you might find in the hedges.

But my partner was told “berries in the hedges can poison you”. And despite the exceptions like blackberries, that’s true as a general rule.

Similarly, “birds fly” is a general rule, despite the existence of ostriches and penguins.

You can expect to find exceptions to almost any real-life example of a general rule. But that doesn’t mean “birds fly” is a lie: given a random bird, it’s a safe bet that it flies.

Likewise, men as a whole can exhibit particular behaviour in order to be classified as men. (Even if you think a man is someone with a penis, presumably you can tell who is a man without checking their pants.)

Any statement about that behaviour will implicitly have exceptions.

You might think, of course, that a statement like “men can’t keep their hands to themselves” isn’t true, even as a generalisation: you’re a good man, who respects bodily autonomy, and it’s not your experience that men behave that way.

But you wouldn’t experience it, would you?

Generally speaking, no man molests a woman in front of a crowd. They wait until there are no witnesses.

So your estimation of the behaviour of your fellow men is likely to be less accurate than hers.

And anyway, sentences like “men molest women” is a statement of a very real problem. It’s not meant as a personal insult. Women already know there are men out there who don’t molest women.

And when you treat it as an insult, and object to it as if it was an insult, you’re effectively objecting to someone complaining about the prevelance of sexual assault.

As I mentioned, I believe you when you say “#notallmen”; presumably, then, it’s contrary to your principles to ask people not to talk about the problem.

Epilogue: he didn’t understand.

Comments

[aldabra]

Women know there are men who don't molest women, but you can't tell by looking which ones they are. If your primary aim is not to get raped, or not to get raped again, then your priority is to avoid false negatives, and "all men are rapists" is the rule of thumb you need to avoid false negatives. And it is *still the rule you need* if the man you're talking to is adamant that he isn't a rapist. It's not about him. It's about you.