this isn't a post about cats; this is a post about neutrality

"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim." — Elie Wiesel

"I've no feelings about cats one way or the other." — Mary Bale

Benediction / Double Feature

There is a fad going around for holding U2charists— that is to say, the Mass is held to the music of U2. This seems a slightly odd idea to me, but who am I to judge? Especially as I've never really been a fan of U2.

However.

Today I was thinking about someone who was holding a U2charist, and my mind said to me, "You know, they were holding one of those... what do they call them?  One of those Rocky Horror Eucharists".

I hastily corrected it, but it had already started planning the order of service. "No, straight up," it said, "you'd have to begin with the Collect for Purity: Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me / I wanna be holy. And next there's the Gloria and Kyrie, which fit fairly well to Dammit, Janet. It even has the same call-and-response form."

I decided to humour it. "And the collect?"

"I don't know, I think you could make Eddie's Teddy fit, or something like that.  It would change with the season anyway. And then," it said hastily. "well, then you'd have

May the Lord be / Right there with you
And also / With you.
Now you'd better / Lift your hearts up,
For it's right so / To do.
It's indeed right / It's our duty,
In all places / And our joy,
Giving praises / To our Father,
Let's sursum corda again!
Let's sursum corda again!"

"I think you'd better stop now," I said, but it carried on.

"Then you'd get to the actual eucharist. You'd begin with In just nine months you made him a man. And the Prayer of Humble Access fits pretty well to Over at the Frankenstein Place.  It's even thematically appropriate.  Light in the darkness and all that."

"You're forgetting the epiclesis," I said, with impatience. "Are you suggesting something like Hot patootie, bless this bread?"

"You're getting the idea. Whatever happened to Saturday night?" sang my mind. "We stayed up praying the vigil rite..."

I decided to put a stop to the discussion. "And the post-communion prayer?"

"And I realise... I'm going home..."

Please do not actually do any of this.  Thank you.